Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Baby It's Cold Outside - 12/12/12

Sweet Otis,

I miss you more than ever these wintery days, these cold nights.  We have our christmas tree up in the bedroom where your photograph normally sits, so tonight as I moved your photograph to a different place, I stopped, and looked closely.  I looked at your eyelashes, your eyebrows, your lips, your nose. The fuzz on your face.  Your pudgy perfect fingers.  I caressed the photograph, trying my damnedest yet again to cuddle you and not just your image. I stroked the photo, wishing it was your cheeks I was stroking instead. I remember the way my heart swelled with love the moment I saw you, Otis. It still sometimes catches me by surprise, how the wind can just be totally and completely taken out of my sails, in one brief blink of an eye like it was tonight.

My beautiful boy, I miss you so much. I love you forever and ever, to the moon and back.

Mama

9 comments:

Renel said...

Oh I know I know I know. If only....

Another kiss, another caress, we keep moving forward, but the wind in the sails sometimes it just stops. Our children. How do we keep going without them? How can I laugh and play and put up decorations and walk by her picture multiple times a day, and I don't always even look at it. I know how much you miss Otis, how much you will always always always miss him. I miss him with you.

LauraJane said...

xox.

Missing your son alongside you.

ania said...

Thinking of you, dear Lulu, dear Lulu.

still life angie said...

Beautiful Otis... sometimes the injustice of it, the loss, seems so immense, it seems impossible that we survived that, or it happened to our baby. It still surprises me and breaks my heart. Sending love, remembering with you, missing him with you.

Brooke said...

I miss him, too. With you and for you and for Owen. I'm so sorry.

B. Wilson said...

Loving and missing Otis right along with you. It seems harder during the holidays, you know?

Caroline said...

I'm so glad to know of your love for Aaron Rodgers. :) I must say, when I looked through your blog I thought "I don't think I've read her blog before" but I knew I had to have stumbled upon you at one point because of Otis - I know his name. I feel like I already knew a little about him. So whatever the reason - my forgetfulness or mommy brain, Otis at least stuck with me. I enjoyed reading through some of your past posts and reading about him, about his brother - your love for both.

Wishing you peace this holiday season.

Merry said...

Oh I know, I know. Xxx

cullensblessings said...

Missing, missing, wishing and longing. These are our winter days. Sending so much love your way and thinking of Otis always. XO