Thursday, February 16, 2012

Deep Breath

The boy is napping.

I am so madly in love with him, it's mindboggling.  We are (finally?) settling into some semblance of routine and I feel like I'm breathing again, for the first time in so very very very long.

And yet I miss his brother with every breath. Sharply, softly, and everything in between.  It sneaks up on me, and then again his absence has become such a part of my very existence I don't know how it could possibly still surprise me.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Argh, blogger

I don't know why, but I am having serious issues leaving comments on blogs today.  I've finally got an afternoon napping baby (in his crib! not my arms!) and I went to go pay so many of you visits and check in and blogger keeps eating my comments.  Argh.  So frustrating.

I'm thinking of all of you - so happy to see so many rainbow pregnancies progressing along so beautifully...and the babies that have been born recently as well - gorgeous.  And to those who are currently TTC - all my best wishes that this is the month.  And to everyone else as well - love and light to all of you.


We're doing pretty well here.  Not really sleeping, still fussing, but getting the hang of it pretty well.  We had some serious marital stuff hit the fan a few weeks ago but we are bouncing back fairly well I think. (I hope.)  E is back in school full time.  I am interviewing for a new job.  I am NOT ready for a new job, but I need to pursue this one because it's pretty ideal.  I'm at stage 2 of the interview process right now (of three stages) and it's gone pretty well.  I'm hoping it will even be a job that has an option for transitioning slowly to full time, and also with a work at home component (it seems likely it will, but directing your good juju in that direction would be appreciated!)

I love my boys so incredibly much, it amazes me daily.   A few nights ago I was tearing up just thinking how incredibly lucky I am to know love like the love I have for my family.  For Otis, for Owen, for E, for our dogs, for my mom, who has become a semi-permanent fixture here and an incredible support, and Owen's favorite person besides Mama and Papa.

Last year on Superbowl Sunday, we were in Maui, and I took a pregnancy test (I was *maybe* 8 dpo?).  It was a barely visible line, really almost invisible, to the point that E said "there's no line," and I believed him, but I also didn't believe him....and I carried that test with me all day and held it up to the light and compared it to plain white paper and saw lines and didn't see lines...and then when the Packers won the game, E looked at me and said, "NOW I believe you're pregnant!" and we sort of did let ourselves believe it might be true, and then there was the most amazing sunset I've ever witnessed, and we definitely thought it was a sign, but then the test the next day didn't look any more positive, so we decided I wasn't...and now, here we are, our four month old napping in his crib.  Owen Kekoa, I love you so much.