And yet, unlike in those other previous months, that second line showed up.
Once my hands stopped shaking long enough to be able to type, I got online and emailed with some dear dear dear friends. I've spent tonight remembering the hilarity that ensued, with digital photographs being sent back and forth, me running to the CVS at 10pm to buy more tests (along with tampons just in case I was wrong), text messages, more emailing, lots and lots of shaking hands....My life was forever changed. It was the first time I had ever been pregnant. First time I had ever watched as that second line shows up on a pregnancy test. Wow.
I sent off a text to E, "Come home from work as soon as you're finished. I have one more gift to give you."
I wrapped up the tests (by that point I'd taken at least three - one of each variety - one with the two pink lines, one with the blue plus sign, and one with the word "pregnant"). He got home about midnight. He came into the bedroom. I was giddy. I handed him the box.
He opened it. He wasn't surprised. I watched as a huge smile (a huge, nervous smile, I might add) spread across his face. I asked for a kiss - and as he leaned in to kiss me, he admitted he had walked in the house, poured himself a shot of whiskey and then come to find me because he was pretty sure of what I was going to tell him...
Otis, from the moment I found out, I loved you. I wouldn't trade our life together for all the riches in the world. I miss you every moment of every day, with every breath I take.
We toasted you last night at Christmas and we had a moment of silence at the dinner table to mark how very very missed you are, baby boy. We all love you so much.