Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day

E has spent the day feeling so raw, so vulnerable.  I feel so helpless.  

Watching him father Otis, through my pregnancy, and, more importantly, through the 36 short hours of Otis's life, and then through the aftermath of grief that consumed us, taught me, in no uncertain terms, that I am beyond blessed to be his wife.  There is no one I would rather choose to father my children.  He is a beautiful, tender soul, a proud papa.  

Otis, I wish you were here today, I wish your papa could still hold you and you could know how much he loves you.




23 comments:

Sherri said...

your pictures are beyond beautiful, and heartbreaking! Otis is such a beautiful baby. Hugs to you and your husband on this especially difficult day!

Maddie said...

What beautiful pictures - you've got me in tears. Sending gentle thoughts your way. xx

cullensblessings said...

Tears through these pictures...
Happy Father's Day E....

Hanen said...

xxxxx

Hope's Mama said...

These pictured opened some old wounds. Ripped my heart wide open again. Simply beautiful and heartbreaking all at once.
xo

Merry said...

The pictures of them together break me in pieces, just like the ones of Max and Freddie do. It's not fair, NOT FAIR, that we don't get to watch them have their sons. Not fair at all.

Merry said...

And oh my, what a beautiful boy.

kate said...

i cannot tell you the number of time i have gazed at these pictures. the way E tenderly cradles his sweet boy breaks my heart wide open - you are right, you have chosen a beautiful, tender man to father your children.

with love, kate xxx

LauraJane said...

Oh, what a beautiful boy Otis is. And that hair?!! WOW, gorgeous.

Those embraces are so lovely and heartfelt. Love these photos.:)

Brooke said...

Oh, those photos just melt me into a puddle. It's a separate kind of pain, isn't it, to look at our husbands and know that they are hurting and holding us together at the same time? Thinking of Erik and Otis. Such a beautiful boy.

Mary said...

Oh, those pictures made me cry. Otis is so beautiful. I'm so sorry for you both. Thank you for sharing these photos.

Missy said...

Beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. My love to you and E mama!

roark said...

I was thinking of E on Sunday, and sending him my love. Mostly I was thinking how amazing he is (he's gotta be, right? To be with you!) and just how the world needs more men like he is, like my father is, like my John is. Loving, capable of vulnerability, and yet just so strong, too. I hate that you've had to witness E's incredible abilities as a father through grief and not joy, but have the highest hopes that you will also be able to witness it through joy soon. I know things can never be the same but I am so so so putting all my lovewishessecularprayersMayanmoondances into seeing you two and this child come home together.

Please hug E for me. I wish I could. Love to all of you.

Courtney said...

Those pictures really moved me. To tears actually. I can feel the love and pain coming right through from them. Thinking of you both.

still life angie said...

Beautiful photos. Brought tears to my eyes. I grieve a lot for my husband. My best friend lost his daughter. Sometimes that guts me all over again, like it just happened. Sending you both love. xo

brianna said...

Otis was such a beautiful boy. My heart is breaking seeing E hold him like that. I think fathers who lose children so often go unnoticed and I wish it wasn't so.

Roccie said...

What loving and handsome men you have in your life.

Such a tender hold. What a treasure to see them together.

Melody said...

wow, that is so beautiful and heartbreaking. you two are amazing parents. i am so sorry. otis has given you love that you will spread forever.

Anonymous said...

I just can't stop coming back and looking at these most beautiful and tender photos.
They are so incredibly similar to the ones we have of D with our Joseph (who was also a big boy at just on 11lb). These pics make me feel I want to look back at our photos but it's just too painful. Otis is so so gorgeous and my heart goes out to you all. xKK.

kmina said...

My heart is broken for you and your husband. The pictures are wonderful and your gorgeous little boy should have been here, making you proud and keeping you busy...
These pictures fill my eyes with tears every time I see them.
I am so sorry for you loss. Otis is a child that touched more people than you know.
If you want to go over my blog, just know that it is now about parenting - which may not be something you feel like reading about.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sarah,
I have been reading your blog with tears and amazement at the resonances it has with my life. 6 weeks ago, over here on the other side of the Atlantic, we also lost a baby boy called Otis. A story so similar to yours-a full term healthy pregnancy, a big, perfect, beautiful boy, and a difficult birth ending in an unbearable nightmare which I don't feel I'll ever truly wake up from. Your blog has become a huge comfort to me; it often feels like you have already pinned down in writing my own confused feelings before I am able to understand them myself. I send you and your Otis much love and peace. I would love to hear from you if you ever felt like it-
harrietbrowne@yahoo.com xxxxxxxxxxx

Lani said...

omg, Otis is gorgeous. xo

Anonymous said...

Your son is the most beautiful little boy that I have ever laid eyes on. Congratulations.