Saturday, February 12, 2011

5 Months

Five months ago today, baby boy, you came into this world and I was forever changed. I miss you like crazy.

We just returned from Maui and you should have been there with us, sweet boy. Everywhere I looked, there were parents and their young babes, or pregnant mamas, or papas holding their children...

We went on a whale watch tour and watched a mama whale push/carry her tired baby calf on her nose as they swam in the warm ocean waters, and I sobbed openly on the boat at the beauty of the mama and her babe. When the baby had rested sufficiently, mama whale then taught baby to breach and we sat there marveling as the two of them jumped in and out of the sea.

You were all over that island, my beautiful boy. It took my breath away, made me smile, made me laugh, made me cry, made me wail, made me jump for joy and brought me to my knees in despair.

I miss you so much.

I forever love you.

11 comments:

Hope's Mama said...

Something about Hawaii that brings out the mamas, daddas, new babies and pregnant women. Or is it just that we notice them more because of what we're missing? I don't know.
We too went whale watching in Maui on our post dead-baby trip to the island and I remember being in the same awe and amazement at these majestic creatures. Nature can be a beautiful and brutal thing.
Good to have you back. Still missing Otis terribly with you.
xo

hayley said...

wow, it sounds like a beautiful and moving trip. I can see Otis' lovely little face as I sit typing and once again my heart breaks for him and for you. loving and missing him with you.

h.x

Brooke said...

He was all over that island with you. I do believe that. I just wish you could hold on to him. Sending you love.

Missy said...

Sounds like a wonderful time and so sad that Otis wasn't there physically with you. All my love mama!

Sophia said...

Thinking of you Sarah, and of your heartbreak, and of your beautiful son. The parenting you did of your gorgeous Otis in his short life had every bit as much dignity and as much magnificence and as much magnitude as that whale mamma. I like to think that whale did that stuff close to your boat to salute you as a Mum. It's a nice thought anyway....
Sending you peace and tears, Sophia

Jennifer said...

Sending a ton of love your way.... It's so good to know that Otis was flying low in Hawaii and doing a good job of making sure you knew it.

hayley said...

sophia is so freaking wise. x

My New Normal said...

I'm glad you got the chance to get away. Even though our grief follows us wherever we go, it's nice to have a change of scenery once in a while. You are in my thoughts.

cullensblessings said...

Love and light mamma.....

Jenn said...

Sarah, I'm so sorry you didn't get to have Otis there with you to experience what you did. It sounds amazing, but I can completely understand why it would also bring you to your knees. Sending much love to you, mama. xx

roark said...

We've had a candle lit over here for Otis this weekend. When it flickers, I say hi to him. He's in our hearts. You're in our hearts. Always.