A quick check in, since I'm heading into that frantic stage before a trip where so much needs to be done and how it will all get done before we step on the plane is a mystery.
We seem to have circumvented the huge blowout fights that we normally have before a trip by instead getting him to quit his job today.
HE DID IT! It took a lot of reassuring him that this is the right decision...but he's fully on board now, and once he made his decision, it was like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders and his heart opened and his eyes got their twinkle back...
I know it won't necessarily be an easy road. But, really, what is an easy road for us right now? There is no road that will bring Otis back to us. So instead, we are faced with choosing the life that best honors our son, making the choice that comes from the same place in our hearts as the space he so clearly occupies.
As we crawled into bed late last night (3 am - we stayed up discussing the work issue for that long...), E said to me, "This is one of those moments that I see how amazing it will be to bring a child into our home, how amazing it will be for a child to see his parents loving each other so fiercely and supporting each other so unconditionally...thank you."
All day yesterday I was saying that it felt like Otis was "flying low." (Thanks to my sweet friend Jen for that phrase, by the way, I use it all the time, and think of our babies and our dads whenever I say it...) Spring is beginning to spring. I noticed the first buds on the trees in our neighborhood; the dandelions were especially huge and bright and fluffy and blow-able all morning on our walk with the dogs; the bulbs I planted in November have just started to pop from the ground...I just felt Otis all around, all day yesterday. When the world started crashing in for E at work last night, it took me awhile, but I realized it felt to me again like it was Otis "flying low" - reminding us of what's truly important, giving his papa that little push into the great unknown - from great risks come great rewards....
So today brings some peace, some clarity, some - dare I say it - hope.
I'll have some computer access while in Maui, but it may be a little quiet around here for a bit...
(Wish us luck please as we still have 36 hours to avoid that "we'll never make it onto the plane" fight...)