Friday, August 12, 2011

Eleven

Eleven months since you came into this world, my baby boy....

I was remembering last night the first time I saw you, when they wheeled me down to the NICU, to see your beautiful face, and how my heart just burst at the sight of you.  You were absolutely perfect.  Your lips, your nose, your head full of hair...your long fingers, chubby little legs, and oh - your skin - so soft, so perfect.  I didn't know it was possible to feel how I felt just then - but I actually felt my heart stretching at that very moment.  You took my breath away.  You changed my life.  You gorgeous boy.

My god, how I miss you.

Your papa and I have been talking about what to do next month for your birthday.  Today we made plans to spend that night at secluded resort not far from home.  I'm still not sure what we will to do to honor the day for you, but know that September 12 and 13 will be all about our love for you, our memories of you, and the legacy you have left for us as we live in this world.  It's a broken world without you here.  A beautiful, broken world, full of contradictions and confusion, full of love and life, full of you, and yet so empty all the same....

Forever your mama, forever loving you, forever missing you. xo

13 comments:

LauraJane said...

Thinking of you and sweet Otis.

car said...

Getting away from it all to focus on Otis, and his birthday, sounds like a wonderful way to honor him.

Missy said...

Thinking of you and your beautiful Otis today~

Tess said...

A life full of contradictions, confusion, beauty and love - nicely put Sarah.

Thinking of you and E today, sending love and strength and wishing you comfort on Otis' 11th month. Having a plan for their birthday is half the battle, I'm glad you have settled on going away to focus on him.
Much love to you

My New Normal said...

Thinking of you today.

Hope's Mama said...

Missing your gorgeous boy with you. Glad you are getting away for his birthday. That's what we did for Hope's first and second birthdays. That's just what felt right for us to do and you really have to put yourselves first on those tough days.
All my love to you, my friend.
xo

Angela said...

Thinking of you and Otis today. I hope going away for his first birthday is peaceful for you. It's hard to know what to do, how to pass those days. My heart is with you as his first birthday approaches. The month before Charlotte's first birthday was a very difficult time for me.

cullensblessings said...

Precious baby Otis.. you were high in my thoughts on Friday and will continue to be through next month. Wishing life was different in many ways Sarah.... sending love.

Merry said...

Missing Otis with you. I think of him often and our shared SCBU/NICU experience. Much love, as ever.

JoyAndSorrow said...

A life full of contradictions pretty much sums up my experience too. Very well put. *hugs* ~Lindsay

Brooke said...

My heart's hurting for you, missing your boy. Sending much love.

Roccie said...

The countdown hurts, the anniversary hurts, the following wks and years hurt. It seems so very long at times.

B. Wilson said...

I have full intentions of following your lead on the 1-year disappearance act. We will likely celebrate how we celebrate our own birthdays-- with a night away (at least) and a nice dinner. So what if having a real 1yo would mean cake smashing and kid crap. My kid would be stylin' and definitely would be liking some delicious food like his mama. ;)

I'm late, but think of your little O often-- especially since you posted pictures of that cute little nugget and I got to share in his beauty.