Friday, August 19, 2011

A Whole Lotta Rage

So last night, E told me he had gotten a text from an ex-girlfriend (no, this story is not going in that direction, thank God.)  This is a woman he dated over 12 years ago.  She's pretty nuts, and has exhibited unstable behavior a few times in the last few years, but E is a good man, and has felt like she sometimes has no one else to turn to, no voices of stability in her life, so he's been a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on for her from time to time.  I don't feel threatened by her, never have, so that's not the issue.

E was at his computer, on facebook, trying to figure out how to defriend her, and asked me if I knew how to defriend, so of course I asked details.  He tried to not tell me, saying it would hurt my feelings, and he didn't need me to know, it was nothing, she was worthless...but his secrecy of course then got me anxious, so then he told me.

Her text to him, out of nowhere (meaning he hasn't spoken with her in at least a month, other than a random FB comment thread about frozen yogurt), was "So I've been thinking.  All that horrible shit you've done, I guess karma really bit you in the ass, huh."

I never really understood the phrase "seeing red" until last night when he told me those words.  I wanted to hurt her.  Just like I wanted to smash dishes a few weeks back, this time I wanted to smash all her bones.  How DARE she insinuate that (a) Otis's death was "karma" and (b) that E ever did anything horrible to her (or anyone)...Part of what upset E the most was that he has no recollection of ever doing anything even slightly crappy to her, other than breaking up with her, but even that was amicable, or so he thought.  And he's been there for her through 3 am sobbing phone calls and other psychopath behavior...with nothing but a gentle heart...oh, man, I was angry.  May she NEVER, EVER, EVER cross my path.  I will hurt her.  I will cut her.  I will.  Hell hath no fury like a woman who has been told her child's death was "karma."

I tried to vent to E about all this, about how angry and mad and rageful I was...and, bless his heart, his response: "I'm trying to be compassionate..."  He went out to the garden and hammered some rebar stakes that needed to be set in the ground.  He took lots of deep breaths.  He reminded himself (and me) that this woman is in horrible pain, and not that that excuses her behavior, but rather that we don't need to let her pain and misery taint our experience.  That her words came from a place of pain, and that he feels sorry for someone so devoid of love and compassion herself that she would ever even think those thoughts, let alone share them with anyone, let alone share them with US.  He took her off his FB account, deleted the text, and is carrying on.

While we are both very raw and fragile today, it was yet another moment that made me love him all the more and made me realize the power of my Mama Bear Protective Instinct towards him, and towards my babies - don't cross my path.  I will hurt you. 


Special thanks to those of you to whom I sent out an SOS last night and you rallied with equal ire and let me vent....incredibly good to know you've got my back in situations like this.  May there never be another situation like it again.



18 comments:

-Jen- said...

Unbelievable. I don't even know what to say. Much much much love to you and E. Neither one of you deserved that.

LauraJane said...

wow, what a bitch.

You're a good person for NOT hunting her down and breaking all her bones.

Nerissa said...

I am so sorry someone said that to your husband. I've been following your blog for just two weeks now. My son, Holden was stillborn on April 13, and since then I have heard of 4 people that have said we deserved it because my future husband left his wife for me. "I guess that's what you get," and the like. I cannot even comprehend the depths of humanity that would think something like that, let alone voice it. Again, I am just so sorry. People can be so cruel.

B. Wilson said...

I have nothing nice to say. That chick is trash. But your husband is right and absolutely a saint.

If she crosses any of our paths, it's ON. Let's just hope she stops being such a psycho and eats her words.

bibc said...

im still seething mad about this

xoxo
lis

My New Normal said...

I think you are both wise to get and keep this toxic woman out of your lives. The farther away the better.

still life angie said...

Fuck, I am seething with you. What a misappropriation of that word--ONE, and two, what an asshole. I think the problem when psychotic people lash out and say cruel, unkind things is that you can't just shake it off, even though it is clearly not true. It still guts you like some psychic evisceration, even when you rationally know it has nothing to do with you. Sending you love. Hoping she stays the hell out of you and E's life once and for all. xo

Lori said...

ugh. how gross. how totally & utterly gross. for both of you. what a disgusting thing to say. love and hugs to you, my dear. you didn't deserve that, not one bit. xo

Anonymous said...

That was such an unbelievably sick/ridiculous/evil thing for her to say. May you and E never see, hear from, or otherwise have to deal with this woman in any way, ever again.

Brooke said...

I'll cut her too. But E is probably right... having to live her life is probably a punishment already. And this is coming from someone who had to bury a child and still counts herself as luckier than that psycho.

Roccie said...

I am stunned. I had to read it twice to make sure I understood it correctly - it was that hard to get my head around.

Yes, of course she is sick, but fuck if that bitch wont eat my rage before I have time to feel any compassion for how mentally lost she is.

Please please please try to push this out of your head. Your body doesnt need all that negativity - it is just a waste of your energy.

Let me boil for you and boil I will.

cullensblessings said...

Ho-ly fuck. I have nothing on this.. just my jaw on the fucking floor.

Tiffany said...

ditto cullensblessing. give me her fb name, i don't mind stooping to her level on your behalf. ;)

you both are incredibly gracious to not have said anything back to her after she said such evil evil things. hurting or not, there is no excuse for being so cruel to someone. no excuse at all.

i'm so so sorry you had to deal with that.

Jenn said...

Oh my word, Sarah, but what a horrible, horrible, horrible thing for that woman to think, let alone spew out loud. I am so sorry you've had to endure such awfulness and I'm sending you a huge hug right now. Lots of love, mama. xx

Hope's Mama said...

Holy motherfucker shit. I can't believe what I've just read. And with that, I am seeing RED with you.
Sorry I'm late to this, but couldn't read and NOT leave an angry comment.
Trying to do as E said now, and find compassion. I'm struggling....

roark said...

That fucking fucker! Let me at her, Sarah. I'll Tanya Harding the shit out of her. Then do it again, then again. The only karma that fucking fucker should be worried about is her own.

Fuck compassion! This woman deserves none if it. (Okay, sure, I'm a hardass bitch, but I can't help it.)

Let me take her down.

And for you two kind, giving, caring, loving, full of light people... I trust that you know this, but I love and admire you and losing Otis was the last damn thing on earth you two deserved in any way. That's one of the worst parts of it all. You are such wonderful, beautiful souls. Otis and this new little man have such utterly inspiring, lovely, loving parents.

And seriously, if I can help with the ass-kicking, you call me and I'm there.

brianna said...

I am aghast. What a horrible, terrible thing to say. She certainly seems not well mentally, as surely I would like to believe that no one in their right mind would say something so hurtful to another person. Your husband is a gentle soul with a huge heart. Bless him, I could not have such an outlook on a person who said that thing to me. I can learn from him.

Josh Jackson said...

Oh my God I am so so sorry. That is just awful news. Fuck.