Saturday, September 24, 2011

9.24.11

Thanks so much for your words of congratulations.

What a whirlwind, eh?  I want to sit back and take the time to write his birth story but "taking the time" seems a long ways off when tonight is the first chance I even had to OPEN my laptop!  Basically, though, I had been having cramps all week, I really thought they were BH or "practice" contractions, E finally made me call the advice nurse on Sunday night, they told me to come in just to be safe and get checked on the monitors, turns out I was dilated to 4 cm, rapidly progressing, having regular strong contractions every two minutes...They gave me the option to try for a vaginal delivery, but everyone agreed for my sanity that a c-section was still the best choice...but I had dinner in my belly that needed to digest...so we waited as long as we could, which was about until 4:40 am when I was checked, at a 6, and my water broke...so they started prepping me for surgery.

Babyboy was born at 6:12 am, and wailed his way into the world - shortly followed by mama and papa sobbing their eyes out...a truly incredible moment - I still can't quite digest it all.

After three and a half days in the hosptial, rooming in with babyboy the entire time, we are home from the hospital. Baby passed the hospital "poop test" (and how!), my milk has come in, he's a hearty eater, I'm still working on the whole, "He'll still be alive if I go to sleep and wake up in a bit," piece of things.  I don't ever want to close my eyes, I don't want to miss a moment with this little guy.  (Cue Aerosmith?) We're battling a little bit of jaundice (super common with a preterm baby) and in the grand scheme of things, I feel so fortunate that at least so far, that's been our biggest medical concern.

I fluctuate wildly between being over the moon ecstatic and so happy, so so so so so happy...and then being overwrought with sadness that Otis isn't here with us, that I didn't get to look into Otis's eyes, that I didn't get even a fraction of this amount of time with him...that this guy will never know his big brother except through our words and stories...Maybe fluctuate isn't even the right word - I feel actually like I am holding both emotions most of the time - this goes down as yet another lesson in the "joy and grief are not opposites, they can coexist at the exact same time in equal strengths" lesson.

Finally - his name - we decided upon Owen Kekoa N___.  Kekoa is hawaiian, it means "the courageous one."  It honors his hawaiian "roots" and our healing time in Maui in January.  (The joke has been "he'd have to be a courageous one to join this family...")  The name Owen came to us as a total surprise.  Our two dogs are both O names, and of course Otis - and the party line throughout this pregnancy was always "We are retiring the O tradition with Otis." I didn't want to be "that family" with names all in the same letter.  Then we met this guy, and I fell even more in love, and all of a sudden it felt horribly WRONG for him not to be one of my Os.  And I've always loved loved loved the name Owen but E was always averse to it when I had suggested it...and then out of the blue on Wednesday, he asked me how I felt about the name Owen.  We're still settling into it, I think it still feels strange to call him a name, to really acknowledge that he's here with us, he came home with us, he's here, he's here, he's here.

19 comments:

Molly King said...

I'm so happy for you guys! He's adorable! I know how you feel about fluctuating between happiness and sadness missing Otis. I see John Michael every time I look at Noah but over the past 5 weeks it seems to not be as painful and actually brings me a little peace. I wish you the very best!

Anonymous said...

Owen Kekoa. I love it and the meaning behind it. What a lucky boy, to be in your house. Thanks for the update, and I'll be thinking of you, E, and all of your O's. I really like the idea that once you met him you just knew he was on of your O's. xoxo
-M

Angela said...

You voiced what I am feeling in this post. I have a 15 day old boy sleeping next to me right now, but my goodness I miss his sister and I am sad our time with her was so short.

Love, love, love the name. So happy for you and E.

KnottedFingers said...

Gorgeous name. I love Kekoa. It reminds me of my angel's middle name Paikea which is Maori. Thank you for the update on you and Owen. xoxoxox

Merry said...

I am so pleased and it is a lovely name. Welcome to the light side of mamma-hood :)Enjoy every moment.

Obviously I need to know your dog names now. I can only think of one more O name!

LauraJane said...

Owen. Otis's Owen. I love it.

Anonymous said...

I had a stillborn son 37 weeks 2 years ago and I am 8 months along now with a baby girl.
You are giving me such hope. Thank you for sharing your story. you are one brave chick.
Congrats on Owen!
Judith

B. Wilson said...

It's a beautiful name. I am happy he made an early appearance for your sanity!

Monique said...

What a beautiful name! Enjoy every moment, as bittersweet as they are. Remembering Otis.

Brooke said...

Love that he's one of your O's. Remembering Otis and celebrating Owen with you.

Jenn said...

Owen is a wonderful name. Nice choice mama. And I think it's perfectly fitting that this little one is an 'O', too. Still so very glad he's out and alive and healthy, still so very full of joy for you guys. xx

Renel said...

I love the name Owen! I am ridiculously excited for you. I really like his middle name. My son's name is Kai which is Hawaiian for Ocean. Soak up all the fabulous new babyness. Hugs to you and your O family. :)

cullensblessings said...

Love love love his sweet O name (all my kids are C's!). Remembering Otis with you as you embark on this phase of your lives. Enjoy every single moment Sarah.. it goes by so damn fast! XO!!!

Sarah said...

Enjoy everything! Love the name Owen! Celebrating Owen and Remembering Otis!

Hanen said...

Owen Kekoa - just beautiful!! But oh, how I wish Owen & Otis got to meet one another. So glad you are home and he's doing so well. xxx h

onewomansperspective02 said...

Congratulations!! Many, many blessings on your new arrival.

Sarah said...

I am so very happy for you, I can't express it. Loving Owen and Otis with you.

xoxo
Rodeo

Hope's Mama said...

My heart is full of joy for you xo

Roccie said...

Exactly Hope's Mama - I am filled with complete joy for your family.

I adore the middle name. That story has always stuck with me.