I love this baby boy so much.
I miss my other baby boy so much.
I stare into Owen's face, look at his lips and his nose, and marvel. And then I see Otis. It's so bittersweet, the resemblance of these brothers. One here with us, one not.
I am encountering a ton of anxiety and a lot of panic these days. Anything "new" causes me to seize up in fear that it will be the thing that takes Owen from my life. Every person (and there have only been a few) who has come over to "help" with the new baby has ended up feeling like they're coming down with a cold and can't stay, except my mom, who is a little oblivious in her caregiving and causes me more panic.
The other day I was panicking about his jaundice numbers and that he seemed lethargic and didn't want to feed (all the warning signs they told me to watch for) and I started to cry and my mom was pooh-poohing my worry and said, "You're just panicking because this is your first baby..."
And I stopped.
"No, actually, I'm panicking because this is my SECOND baby."