Thursday, January 6, 2011

Circle of Life and other stupid shit

My grandmother is in the hospital.

She is 97. They think she has pneumonia, and it appeared her heart was failing.

Granny has always been one of the most important people in my life. She pretty much raised me and my brother. She is a dear friend, a stubborn feisty, headstrong woman. She has her wits about her and even at 97, is incredibly sharp.

Earlier this afternoon, I was certain she was going to die today. Tonight, her heart has stabilized a bit. She is still having a lot of trouble breathing.

My brother and mom are with her at the hospital. I have visited twice now, but I can't stay.

The beeping monitors, the smell of antiseptic hand wash, the nurses stations...

It's all too close for comfort, too familiar, too sad, too scary.

Doing my best to hold it together the best I can.

17 comments:

cullensblessings said...

Sending you strength and grace Sarah... to you nanna as well...

Maddie said...

I'm sorry. Love and hugs. xx

Tess said...

Sending you so much love Sarah
Thinking of your family and you find comfort and support with them at this horrid time

Missy said...

Holding you and your gma dear to my heart. ~Love always.

My New Normal said...

Hugs.

æ said...

Just coming by to check back in on you. I've been thinking of you and granny with love and with tenderness for how you're respecting both of you (all of you) by doing what feels right in this moment, the next one, and the next one.

Love
Ashley

Ps granny really is that feisty and great.

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry, Sarah. I'm holding you and your grandmother in my heart.

xoxo
Rodeo

Merry said...

Ah hunny. And yes, with you on the monitors and beeps. I'm terrified of ever having to do that again.

Thinking of you.

brooke said...

Oh, Sarah, I'm so sorry that you are having to cope with another loss even one that makes more sense than Otis. I'll be thinking of you.

Simply Me said...

I'm so sorry to read this, Sarah. I love what Ash said about respecting what is right for you - I do hope that you are able to continue to do that throughout this ordeal. I can't imagine being faced with the hospital environment so soon after a loss of the magnitude you faced, and I can't even begin to imagine what I would be thinking and feeling, but I know that I would want people to encourage me to respect what felt right to me, however that might look.

My thoughts and warmest wishes are with you and your granny. She certainly sounds like a wonderful woman - clearly if she was able to help you grow into the incredible person you are today, she had to be pretty amazing.

Much love,
Ren

Jenn said...

Oh honey, loss on top of loss is so hard. I'll be praying for you and your Granny. Sending big, huge hugs to you. xx

Hope's Mama said...

Dearest Sarah
Sending love and warm hugs at this terribly difficult time. You really don't need this now and I wish the universe would somehow cut you some slack.
xoxo

kate said...

i am so sorry sarah. this is too much. i'm holding you constantly in my thoughts and heart.

kate xxx

Meng Kiat Janis said...

Thinking of you. xo

katman110 said...

I am so sorry, Sarah. Grief, I have found, is never additive. Grief upon grief always adds up to more than the sum of its parts. As if its parts alone aren't enough to break you to bits. I am so so very sorry. Thinking of you and your wonderful grandma...

hayley said...

hey you

thinking of your granny, who you always talk of with such love. I hope you're doing okay.

love h.x

Tess said...

Thank you for your comment Sarah - just wanting to extend the same in return; I am here for you too, through all the highs and low and everything in between; thank you.
I am hoping you're holding up okay in all of these days at the hospital, I can only imagine how it is for you being back there - I too hate everything about mine. My thoughts are with you and your family, your grandmother especially and I hope there is such support for all.

So much love to you