Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Reposting from Glow ttc thread

I was planning to do two separate posts - a brief update on glow and then more details here - but for now, I don't have time and want to get this "on the record" before I forget.

hi all,
back from the RE.

The good news: she saw LOTS of follicles and enthusiastically said it looks like I have "great eggs" and said it looked like I had *just* ovulated (and basically instructed us to run home and do the deed...) She said there's no reason to wait for two more cycles to try to get pregnant, that we should try as soon as we're ready (and surprisingly, my husband was the one who was more excited by that than I was!) So, we're all in. Raced home and jumped back into bed and said all sorts of silly little wish prayers before during and after. Before the appointment, we blew dandelions on our morning walk this morning and all I wished for was a healthy and happy future. No specifics. Lately I've been feeling more and more like what I really want to focus on is the love he and I share - and being happy and fulfilled in THAT, since that is here and true and in the present moment. Trying not to get ahead of myself and play the "when we can ttc, when I get pregnant, when I have a baby, when I...THEN I will be happy" game. Trying to find the beauty in the moments we've got right here, right now.

E seems convinced that I am going to get pregnant this month. We had sex two days ago, three days ago, four days ago, and again this morning, so we covered many bases on that front. I am much more reluctant to be hopeful. But I am enormously relieved that at least it looks like I ovulated and she liked all the follicles and eggs she saw.

So for now, I'm going to try to be (cautiously) optimistic.

But back to the medical specifics: Today is CD14. I go to have progesterone tested in three days. Then, next steps will depend on if I conceive(d) this time or not. If I don't, then we'll do a hysteroscopy and hsg after my next period. She also wants to do a full battery of tests on cd3 of the next cycle - thyroid, fsh, lh, on and on and on. A lot of the tests she says are standard for pregnancy loss and even though I technically don't fall into that category since we know what happened with Otis and it wasn't due to immune issues or MTHFR or clotting (forgive me if I sound stupid I don't know the details of all those tests) she still wants to run them to see if I am at any risk for (predictable? preventable?) loss this time around.

I dreamt about Otis last night, and it was the first time he was (sort of) alive in the dream. It was like I knew he was going to die, but somehow he was actually still there and still alive with us. And his eyes were open. I got to see his eyes. I got to see what he looked like with life in his eyes. It was amazing. (I then went on to dream that I was at the RE's office and she said, "I'm sorry your other endocrinologist isn't here anymore," and I said, "I haven't ever seen an endocrinologist" and she said, "Oh, then you're not going to have any trouble getting pregnant! Let's go the buffet!" and we walked into her office's holiday party buffet and all we had brought to share was a bag of our dog's food (which looks kind of like meatloaf, we feed him these raw beef patties) and we sat down and I ate the dog food. Wacky.)

Fingers crossed that, at the very least, if I don't get pregnant this month, that I at least have a somewhat normal length cycle - preferably 26 to 28 days instead of the 15 I've had the last few months. Please.

Thinking of all of you....with love and care and hope...


hayley said...

really really wonderful news sarah, so glad that she was so positive. hoping and praying for you but also knowing that if not this time then you can still have hope and plans.

love, love, love my dear


My New Normal said...

Sending healthy baby dust your way!!

æ said...

Another person on your team.

And, seeing life in otis' eyes sounds really earth shattering.


brooke said...

Fingers crossed.

Tess said...

"great eggs", Ha ha, music to your ears huh? I hope that puts your worries to bed now about all the age issues and conceiving? I am so very hopeful for you this cycle - we just need to keep that LP nice and long!!

Your dream of Otis sounds amazing Sarah (if not a little weird eating The Woo's raw beef patties?), you got to see life in his eyes - so precious!

Long LP for you - I'm wishing and hoping really hard
Much love for the two week wait now... PMA!!

Heather said...

I've always wished I could dream about my boy. I never even had dead dreams of him; certainly none where he was living. I'm even practical in my freaking dreams.

Horray for the so far normal cycle! I wish you a fast road to pregnancy, with lots of beautiful moments in the 'right here right now' times along the way.

(and now I can't get that Jesus Jones song out of my head....)

kate said...

wonderful news sarah... i've got my fingers crossed for you & erik.

i think often we are given gifts through our dreams - i'm so glad you got to see otis with life in his eyes.

kate xxx

Anonymous said...

Beautiful news my friend... I am so struck by the beauty of your dream about Otis. The dog food part, not so much.
I have my day 3 labs on Thursday and the hysterosalpingogram and 1st acupuncture appt. next week.. hoping for something POSITIVE this cycle for all of us! That is the first time I have written that..... progress.

Missy said...

Your comment on my blog made me smile! And thanks! I'm so glad things look good for you and hoping you get your BFP. You are so right though in thinking about the beautiful now moments instead of focusing on all the what if's of the future. Big love to you momma!

Tess said...

Sarah I just saw another piece of wise words from your therapist - on Glow; about the self-imposed deadlines to having the next souls. A baby born this year? Yes, a day either side - okay that is not a stretch at all. A week either way is also good and yes, maybe a month or so too...
I do love your therapist - a year is just a year, I'd be happy getting pregnant in the next six months (okay that is stretching it to the upper most limit - I want to be pregnant NOW!) and having a full term, healthy, happy and alive baby - not too much to ask?

I am really looking forward to making my eggs great with some acupuncture like yours - how long have you been a pin cushion? Thank you also for your comment on mine today - big smiles.

Thank you for sharing those wise words Sarah
So much love

zubeldia said...

aw, sarah, I have everything crossed for you.

I think many of us could work to find happiness in the here and now a little more. But I think it's so striking, and says so many truly amazing things about you and E, that you are trying to do that now.

With love,

Sarah said...

I am so happy for you that your doctor was optimistic. I'm also glad that you are focusing on happiness in the here and now. That's such a hard thing to do, for anyone, but I would imagine doubly hard for someone trying to ttc. It's beautiful to hear about you and E together.

Monique said...

Yay! Good eggs! Fingers and toes crossed for you.

And so happy you dreamed of your little boy - I love when that happens.

Jenn said...

Oh I'm so glad that the appointment went well and that you've got some positive feelings going on right now, too. Fingers crossed for an amazing blessing for you soon! xx