So again, hopeful optimism from the peri's office today. (A note, it took me several tries to type "optimism" because my fingers kept wanting to type o-t-i-s...)
I have no signs of new bleeding. Still a bit of blood in my uterus but a small amount that the doctor thinks will either come out as light spotting or will get reabsorbed as the baby gets bigger and "squishes" the blood out of his way.
Baby's heartbeat was strong, 160, and he was active, waving and kicking and flipping about.
We saw a new peri today, my regular doctor is on vacation. This guy was like your dad's best golfing buddy friend. Very friendly. Told me that if I was his daughter, he'd be feeling really relieved and really happy with these results today. I guess that is another one of those "I should hold on to his words" kind of statement. It's good for me to write them down, I know I will need to return to them in my moments of fear.
As I'm sure you can all understand, I am still wrought with lots of anxiety, lots of thoughts of doomsday and paralyzing fear...(not to mention the nastiest head cold, I am full of snot as well as full of anxiety)...I really wish I could just make it a point NOT to google because all I hear and read are worst case scenarios (even though there are so many out there that aren't, the only ones I remember are the worst), and that is NOT what my doctors are telling me. The doctors that have seen my uterus, my baby, along with many others, and are at the top of their game in doing what they do. This is a test of self-care, and I have to recognize that endless google searches to find "comfort" or "security" from others' experiences most often end up making me feel completely out of control, terrified, frozen.
But I have to turn towards the sunlight here. I have to. I have to acknowledge what is true right now. My baby's heart was beating strong at the doctor's appointment an hour ago. My baby had plenty of room and fluid in his sac an hour ago. My doctor could not see where there was damage to my placenta. My doctor feels very optimistic, very good. This is the second doctor I've seen that feels very hopeful and very optimistic that this is an insignificant blip in this pregnancy. I want this baby to grow strong and healthy. I want my uterus to heal, to hold this baby in love and security and health for the next 5 1/2 months. I want this baby to come home with us.