Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Appointment Today 4.19.11

So again, hopeful optimism from the peri's office today.  (A note, it took me several tries to type "optimism" because my fingers kept wanting to type o-t-i-s...)

I have no signs of new bleeding.  Still a bit of blood in my uterus but a small amount that the doctor thinks will either come out as light spotting or will get reabsorbed as the baby gets bigger and "squishes" the blood out of his way.

Baby's heartbeat was strong, 160, and he was active, waving and kicking and flipping about.

We saw a new peri today, my regular doctor is on vacation.  This guy was like your dad's best golfing buddy friend.  Very friendly.  Told me that if I was his daughter, he'd be feeling really relieved and really happy with these results today.  I guess that is another one of those "I should hold on to his words" kind of statement.  It's good for me to write them down, I know I will need to return to them in my moments of fear.

As I'm sure you can all understand, I am still wrought with lots of anxiety, lots of thoughts of doomsday and paralyzing fear...(not to mention the nastiest head cold, I am full of snot as well as full of anxiety)...I really wish I could just make it a point NOT to google because all I hear and read are worst case scenarios (even though there are so many out there that aren't, the only ones I remember are the worst), and that is NOT what my doctors are telling me.   The doctors that have seen my uterus, my baby, along with many others, and are at the top of their game in doing what they do.  This is a test of self-care, and I have to recognize that endless google searches to find "comfort" or "security" from others' experiences most often end up making me feel completely out of control, terrified, frozen.

But I have to turn towards the sunlight here.  I have to.  I have to acknowledge what is true right now.  My baby's heart was beating strong at the doctor's appointment an hour ago.  My baby had plenty of room and fluid in his sac an hour ago.  My doctor could not see where there was damage to my placenta.  My doctor feels very optimistic, very good.  This is the second doctor I've seen that feels very hopeful and very optimistic that this is an insignificant blip in this pregnancy.  I want this baby to grow strong and healthy.  I want my uterus to heal, to hold this baby in love and security and health for the next 5 1/2 months.  I want this baby to come home with us.

14 comments:

LauraJane said...

I think we all want that for you, for this baby to come home with you. :) Im glad your appointment went well, though I completely understand your apprehension. :)

hayley said...

I want this baby to come home with you too.

love h.x

Hope's Mama said...

Doing a little happy dance for you.
xo

My New Normal said...

I'm keeping positive thougths for you!! Sometimes it's hard to have them for yourself.

Monique said...

Hang in there, as best you can. xo

still life angie said...

Turning towards the sunlight--beautifully put. Sending you love. xo

cullensblessings said...

We all want this for you mamma... xo.

Brooke said...

Yes, yes. Healthy baby, happy mama. Mercy. I want this SO bad for you. Hold on to the hopeful.

Angela said...

Happy about the good news. Definitely best to avoid Dr. Google whenever possible, but so hard to resist. I know how crazy making this journey is - love, strength and positive thoughts.

Missy said...

I want that for you too mama. Good news is great, but at times still hard to believe. Sending love and strength your way~

little vitu's mom said...

Yes this lovely baby boy should come home with you..Hugs.

Lori said...

You've been on my mind the last week, and I'm happy to read this news. I'm here, hoping right along with you, all the way. xo

Roccie said...

Turn like a little sunflower.

Soak up what you can and try to tune the rest down.

Jenn said...

Wanting that right along with you, mama. Keep turning towards the sunlight as much as you can. Thinking of you and praying for only the best for you. xx