Reposting from Glow ttc thread

I was planning to do two separate posts - a brief update on glow and then more details here - but for now, I don't have time and want to get this "on the record" before I forget.

hi all,
back from the RE.

The good news: she saw LOTS of follicles and enthusiastically said it looks like I have "great eggs" and said it looked like I had *just* ovulated (and basically instructed us to run home and do the deed...) She said there's no reason to wait for two more cycles to try to get pregnant, that we should try as soon as we're ready (and surprisingly, my husband was the one who was more excited by that than I was!) So, we're all in. Raced home and jumped back into bed and said all sorts of silly little wish prayers before during and after. Before the appointment, we blew dandelions on our morning walk this morning and all I wished for was a healthy and happy future. No specifics. Lately I've been feeling more and more like what I really want to focus on is the love he and I share - and being happy and fulfilled in THAT, since that is here and true and in the present moment. Trying not to get ahead of myself and play the "when we can ttc, when I get pregnant, when I have a baby, when I...THEN I will be happy" game. Trying to find the beauty in the moments we've got right here, right now.

E seems convinced that I am going to get pregnant this month. We had sex two days ago, three days ago, four days ago, and again this morning, so we covered many bases on that front. I am much more reluctant to be hopeful. But I am enormously relieved that at least it looks like I ovulated and she liked all the follicles and eggs she saw.

So for now, I'm going to try to be (cautiously) optimistic.

But back to the medical specifics: Today is CD14. I go to have progesterone tested in three days. Then, next steps will depend on if I conceive(d) this time or not. If I don't, then we'll do a hysteroscopy and hsg after my next period. She also wants to do a full battery of tests on cd3 of the next cycle - thyroid, fsh, lh, on and on and on. A lot of the tests she says are standard for pregnancy loss and even though I technically don't fall into that category since we know what happened with Otis and it wasn't due to immune issues or MTHFR or clotting (forgive me if I sound stupid I don't know the details of all those tests) she still wants to run them to see if I am at any risk for (predictable? preventable?) loss this time around.

I dreamt about Otis last night, and it was the first time he was (sort of) alive in the dream. It was like I knew he was going to die, but somehow he was actually still there and still alive with us. And his eyes were open. I got to see his eyes. I got to see what he looked like with life in his eyes. It was amazing. (I then went on to dream that I was at the RE's office and she said, "I'm sorry your other endocrinologist isn't here anymore," and I said, "I haven't ever seen an endocrinologist" and she said, "Oh, then you're not going to have any trouble getting pregnant! Let's go the buffet!" and we walked into her office's holiday party buffet and all we had brought to share was a bag of our dog's food (which looks kind of like meatloaf, we feed him these raw beef patties) and we sat down and I ate the dog food. Wacky.)

Fingers crossed that, at the very least, if I don't get pregnant this month, that I at least have a somewhat normal length cycle - preferably 26 to 28 days instead of the 15 I've had the last few months. Please.

Thinking of all of you....with love and care and hope...